


All Too Well

by vanillann



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:49:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28635018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanillann/pseuds/vanillann
Summary: She remembered it all too well.
Relationships: Sirius Black & Reader, Sirius Black/Reader
Kudos: 23





	All Too Well

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: this fic has a single comment about abuse, nothing serious just a warning

“Black! Potter!”

Slughorn turned to the two laughing fools, each closing their mouths but small giggles managed to make it through the side of their lips.

“That’s it! Black move to sit with (L/N) and Evans will sit with Potter.”

Lily’s face dropped from beside me, grabbing her book and giving me sorry eyes. She had a feeling Black wouldn’t be much better than Potter.

Both boys' faces lit up, Black grabbing his belongings and running to the seat beside me.

“Morning (L/N),” Black muttered, throwing his books to the table and turning to give Potter a thumbs-up behind Lily’s hair.

“I think you might be a little too excited.”

“This is his chance,” Black finally turned from the two and let his head fall to lay on the wooden desk.

“Do you understand what he’s saying?”

“Nope,” I looked at the boy, a smirk playing at his lips as he slowly picked up his head.

“You’re telling me you weren’t paying attention?”

“Yep,” I popped the “p” giving a sarcastic smile before flipping through the pages of the book.

“I thought you were a goody-two-shoes.”

“You thought wrong.”

He looked at me with a little smirk, this quill passing between his fingers.

“Where have you’ve been all my life?”

*

“Sirius!”

I laughed as I felt my body collapse into the Black Lake, my body dripping in freezing water. I let myself sink further down, playing a prank on him as he waited for me to come back up.

I heard his voice muffled like he was calling my name but I couldn’t tell as I held my breath a little longer. I was about to break the surface when I saw his body dive into the water. I let his arms wrap around me as he pulled me up, my smile bright as soon as I reached the top. I took a few heavy breaths as he searched my face for god knows what.

“That wasn’t funny,” he mumbled, his arm still wrapped around me.

“It was hilarious,” I smiled, kicking off his leg and floating back to the rocks where our robes and my scarf laid. I turned, pulling myself out of the water onto the rocks, Sirius at my side in seconds.

“You’re evil, vile even.”

I watched the water drip from his long dark locks, my eyes so fixated on it I didn’t notice him messing with my scarf until he turned around with him wearing it. The bright green color was wrapped around his neck, one I had found at a shop years ago but it suited him better than I ever could.

“Hand it to me?” I held my hand out waiting for the scarf but it never came.

“It’s mine until you learn to behave,” he spoke with a cocky grin, hiding the yarn behind his back as I stood up reaching for it. He ducked my hand, laughing at my bored face.

“Sirius gave it back,” I reached again but this time became closer to me, letting his lips rest on mine. My head started spinning but I quickly let my lips mold with his, my scarf long forgotten at this point.

“Oi, he did it!”

I slowly took my lips from him, looking over to the castle to see the other three of his little group waving at us, Lily standing beside Remus and James with a little smile playing at her lips.

“I’m afraid we’ve been caught, love.”

*

“Look at it!”

Sirius spun around in the center of the small apartment, his arms wide as he looked to the dirty walls and what looked to be a bloodstain on the floor.

“I see,” I spoke lightly, careful not to bust his ego at the moment.

“It’s three minutes from Moony, five minutes from Wormtail, and a direct Floo to Prongs,” he spoke with a little giggle, running up to my side and wrapping his arm around my shoulder with a kiss to the side of my face.

“It’s something,” I still couldn’t get over the bloodstain in the carpet and what looked to be a knife stuck in the wall a little ways over.

“I know it’s a mess, but it just needs love like I did.”

I looked up at him, admiring the way he looked the way with shiny new eyes. He always was much better at these things, the optimism of the relationship.

“Yeah, he can get a nice couch-” I pointed to the wall with the small curve in it.

“An L-couch, I looked it up cause I know you like sitting in corners. It can be blue, I like blue couches,” he skipped to the wall I pointed at, letting his hands run over the paint.

I smiled at his excitement and the way he knew the little things about me that I barely knew of myself.

“I like that,” I set my bag to the side and slowly walked up beside him.

“I think we should do black walls because one day you’ll have my last name and we need to keep the same energy,” he spoke as if the idea of marriage wasn’t some crazy idea.

“You want to share a last name?”

“Why of course, why else would I have stuck with you this long?”

He smiled down at me, that same cocky smile from those days at Hogwarts still played at his lips.

“Well, we have a war on th-”

“No talk of war in our new apartment,” he held a finger up to my lips, smiling as he turned to me and slowly backed me up until my back hit the wall.

“I-”

“Hush now, let’s look at where I’ll be living with the love of my life,” he turned back to my side and opened his arm to the room.

Maybe it wouldn’t be the worst with him.

*  
“Look at these Polaroid!”

James came running around the corner, the pickles Lily asked for nowhere to be seen as he carried a box with stickers on it.

“Oi, blimey,” Peter jumped up, grabbing the box from James and opening it to see a box full of muggle Polaroid they’ve been taking since first year.

“It’s Sirius when he got glasses,” Remus held a Polaroid of Sirius sitting on his bed in his dorm with square-shaped glasses sitting on his nose.

“You wear glasses!” I reached for the photo, Sirius jumped for it but Remus held it back until my fingers were close enough to grab.

“That was second year,” he reached around me for it but I turned closer to Lily and her baby bump to look over the photo better.

He looked horrible mad, which made sense. I looked to the bottom that wrote ‘Sirius Nerd Phase’ and a small giggle fell past my lips.

“They’re for reading!” He finally got the photo from between my fingers, shoving it in his coat pocket most likely to burn.

“I found (Y/N) and Sirius when he brought her to the dorm,” James held up, showing Lily as I leaned over to get a look. I had all of Sirius’s blankets wrapped around my body as Sirius had a pillow he was using as a blanket while he sat staring at me.

“You still steal the blankets,” he whispered in my ear, the smirk obvious in his voice as I smiled at the sight.

“I can’t help it, you fell in love with a blanket theft.”

*

“Whooo!”

I held my hands reach to the air in the convertible James let us borrow for the trip downtown. I heard Sirius giggle from beside me as we drove down the street with a smile across my face.

“I love this car, think James will want it back?” I turned to Sirius who was watching me as his eyes filtered back to the road every so often to make sure no cars came out of nowhere.

“He’ll sell it soon with the baby but I don’t think I can give my dear motorcycle up love,” he spoke gently, like you would when telling a baby no to the candy in the store.

“So you don’t want to see this image for the rest of your life?” I lifted my eyebrows at him while giving a great big smile.

“Trust me it’s drawn into my brain forever,” he reached over waiting for a kiss, the car still flying through the air as he waited for me. I reached for him but my eyes filtered to the bright red light not far above us.

“Red light!”

Sirius looked up, slamming on breaks as soon as he saw it. A giant truck flew past us as soon as the car stopped, I felt my hand reach for my heart as I let my breathing steady out.

“Sorry love wasn’t paying attention,” he mumbled out, guilt-filled. I only nodded and let myself calm from the almost accident.

“We definitely can't keep this car.”

*

“Shit!”

I slammed my hand to the table, my eyes watering at the thought of the last meeting, knowing Lily and James and Alice and Frank were now going into hiding to be safe.

“Love?”

Sirius walked into the kitchen, his eyes soft for the first time in months. With the war coming up the trust he had in everyone was slowly dissipated and he felt far away so seeing him look at me with emotions felt weird.

“Hey, sorry,” I let my thumb wipe my tears, looking at the clock that read 3:28 and I felt bad for waking him up with my sniffling and anger.

“It’s fine,” he slowly walked around the counter, watching me as I turned to the fridge and opened the door to look at the empty box of cold air.

“I’ll be quiet,” I mumbled back when I felt his arms wrap around me, I was amazed as he barely touched me anymore.

“Come to bed, yeah?”

“In a minute,” I still couldn’t bring myself to sleep and I knew he’d watch me until I did.

He waited with his arms still around my waist, a small tune humming between his lips when he started swaying.

“Sirius-”

“Dance with me like we did when I proposed,” he whispered gently in my ear, bringing a shiver up my spine at how cold his breath was. I thought about it for a minute before turning in his arms and letting him sway us side to side.

When I felt tears reach my eyes I buried my head into his collar bone, small chuckles rubbed his chest.

“Stop acting as I’ve never seen you cry.”

“You act weird when I do,” my voice was muffled on his skin and I felt his gon ridge for a second before he calmed down.

“Hate to see you cry is all.”

Nothing was said as the only light that filled the room was from the fridge as we swayed back and front until I slowly fell asleep in his arms.

*

“Oh don’t go there!”

Sirius pointed a nasty finger at my chest, his once warm grey eyes cold as the color itself.

“I wouldn’t have too if you started trusting someone once in a while,” I felt the anger in my chest bubble but attempted to stay calm for his sake.

“Remus is a werewolf for crying out loud-”

“You act as he asked for it!”

He let his finger drop, his eyes full of hurt as he watched me.

“You’re sleeping with him,” his voice wasn’t even a question like he knew the answer.

“Oh my Merlin Sirius, no I’m not sleeping with your best mate-”

“James is my best mate, Remus is a traitor,” he mumbled the words, looking at me with wild eyes.

“He’s not a traitor, we don’t know who the mole is yet!”

“Oh my you are sleeping with him,” he dropped the paper that was once rolled in his hand to the floor and let his finger run through his hair.

“I’m not sleeping with him, I haven’t slept with anyone in months because apparently you don’t want to touch me anymore,” I felt the anger overflow with each word, tired of all these stupid fights were kept having.

“Oh so you’re horny so you sleep with him,” he spat out the words like venom, slowly walking closer to me with each word.

“Stop talking about him like that! He’s been your best friend for years even when you lost everything he stood right there and you’re going to backstab him? What are you going to do to me?”

I was roaring with anger, stepping closer to me with each step I took as I looked to him with anger.

“Is your plan to get me pregnant and run? Maybe ruin my reputation in the wizarding world with my dirty secrets?”

“Shut up (Y/N)-”

“Gonna beat me like mommy did you,” I wished I had stopped talking at that moment but it was too late.

“Get the hell out of this house.”

I didn’t fight, turning to grab my coat and ran out the door. I slammed the door and looked to the wall outside, my breath heavy as I ran to the phone box to call Remus, hoping for a place to stay.

*

“Merlin.”

I sat on Remus’ bed, my eyes heavy as I read the letter in my hand from Sirius.

Dear (L/N),

I revoke my proposal, please send the ring back as it’s a family heirloom and has no business in a nasty hag finger-like yours.

From, you should know unless you have multiple proposals

Remus sat beside me, rubbing his hand up and down my shoulder with sad eyes as he read the letter himself.

“I’ve sent three letters apologizing and I even went to him himself,” I spoke with a shaky voice, slowly dragging the ring from my finger as I read the letter again just to make sure it was his handwriting and this wasn’t a cruel prank from James.

“Stakes are high right now, once this war is over he’ll be waiting for you.”

I tried to listen to his words but all I could focus on was the fact that all that love we once shared was fake like it wasn’t real anymore.

*

“I’m sorry about the bite, I was aiming for the rat.”

Sirius had the red-headed boy arm around him as he helped carry him from the shake.

“Hey, Moon?”

“Yes?”

“Have you’ve spoken to- uhm her?”

Remus was taken aback by the question, as he never thought he’d speak about the two in the same sentence ever again.

“After the Order broke she left for the states, haven’t spoken since.”

Sirius said nothing as they reached the end of the tunnel, sitting the boy down before looking to the Black Lake quickly. His heart broke as he knew that they’d kissed moons ago.

“Maybe you can write her-” Remus’ voice sounded far away as he walked to the edge to look to the castle, where he’d meet everyone who ever meant something to him.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered to the air, hoping to carry his voice to the state for her to hear because she deserves that much.

*

“Wow.” 

Harry sat in amazement as I finished the many stories from Remus and I about his godfather, waiting in his empty house for the rest of the Order to arrive.

“He was as trip,” I spoke in a cracked voice, Remus rubbing my knee as the emotions started hitting me. If only I came back a year earlier I could have seen him one last time, maybe I’d save him or maybe we’d run away together.

“He always knew what to say, you know.”

Remus picked up, sharing a few stories he felt Harry should know for the sake of the missing piece of him.

“He loved wearing another sweater,” Remus laughed at the distant memories when I fell into a loud fit of giggles.

“I never got that stupid scarf back, that bright green one with the flowers from the Black Lake,” I spoke most to Remus as he would remember it better than Harry.

“Green scarf?”

I nodded, smiling at his pleased face when he turned around with it hanging from his neck like a fashion show. Harry stood up quickly for where we sat on the floor, running to the cupboard under the stairs and looking through a box.

I couldn’t see what was in his hand until he turned back to the once-living room with it in his hand.

I felt my hand fly to my mouth, looking at that stupid scarf that Harry held between his fingers, still as bright as the day he stole it from me.

“It has something on it,” Harry walked to us, holding the scarf to me which I was scared to touch. The smallest piece of me hoped that touching it would bring him back like his soul was stuck to it or something.

I took the soft material from his hands, my brain working a mile a minute as I looked to the rolled-up letter that was pinned to the bottom of the scarf.

I quickly unpinned it, taking the parchment in-between my own fingers, and read over the words that looked rushed.

Dear Goody Two Shoes,

You learned how to behave so I thought best to stick to one of my promises to you. I also returned the ring because it doesn’t fit on anyone’s finger as it did on yours, you were never a hag. Enjoy this photo and you better never show it to a soul.

From, Your Love

I felt tears stream down my face, looking at the old ring that was taped to the bottom of the parchment with the Polaroid of his beside it.

“Oh Merlin Rem, he kept it all,” my voice was strained as I spoke, Remus moved to sit beside me and brought me to his side.

Oh, Merlin, I remembered it all too well.

**Author's Note:**

> this fic can be found on my tumblr @vanillann


End file.
